This past week, I learned the hard way how to lose weight without trying. The really hard way. I’ll share this method with you, although I strongly suggest you not try this.
Step 1: Somewhere, somehow pick up a stomach virus. Without this critical first step, the other steps will not occur.
Step 2: Become ill, very ill. You’ll feel so terrible, horrible, no good, and very bad that you won’t even know from which direction you might possibly expel food from your body. (Both ways, as it turns out.)
Step 3: After many hours of one-on-one time with your bathroom, emerge — shaky and pale, but alive. Vow to never eat again.
Step 4: For the next day, stick to a bland diet of toast, water, and (once you’re feeling slightly more adventurous) applesauce.
Step 5: 48 hours after the original sick-fest, move on to regular foods. However, eating will not interest you. Good thing, as your stomach will still be weak and grumpy and might still revolt at any time.
Step 6: For one week (and counting) after the original sick-fest, continue to have no interest in food and a diminished appetite. In fact, you will not even use up all of your daily allotment of Weight Watchers points.
Step 7: At the one week mark, weigh yourself. You will discover a net weight loss of approximately three pounds. Woot! Yay you.
Okay, okay, so I’m joking. (And I am in no way encouraging any sort of unhealthy behaviors that could lead to an eating disorder.) That said, I have learned that it is possible to lose weight without trying. I don’t recommend it, but at least it worked to my advantage.
How is everyone else doing?