Emotional backslide

by Badness Jones (and I apologize in advance for this post)

I’ve had a bad week.  I’ve been doing a lot of bingeing and emotional eating.  One day I made and ate an entire batch of butter tarts (they’re a Canadian thing, kind of like individual pecan pies without the pecans).  I haven’t wanted to get dressed or brush my hair or put on make-up.  I haven’t been making the beds.  (This isn’t really the forum for me to talk about it, but the friend of a friend lost her infant son, a boy not that much younger than mine, and it’s hit me very close to home….I seem to have lost my equilibrium….I doubt that this post will make much sense….sorry)

I find that for me, succeeding at the diet thing means keeping up with everything in my life – it’s got a domino effect.  It’s about control.  I feel better if my hair is washed, my make-up done, my clothes look pretty.  If I make the bed and do the dishes, it’s easier to keep the rest of the house clean.  If I feel good and the house is clean, I’m less likely to panic and eat a tub of ice-cream.

Today is the first day of summer holidays for my daughter.  I don’t want to do anything but sit in front of the tv, but I can’t start off like that.  I made myself get dressed and put on make-up.  I made the beds.  I did the dishes.  We’re going to go to the store in a few minutes and pick out a pretty scrapbook for Regan to chronicle her summer, and keep practising her letters.  Maybe she’ll be reading by the time she starts SK in the fall.  In the afternoon I’ll take them to the park or the pool, anything to get out of the house.  I’m going to start writing down everything I eat again too- I’m terrified of the way I’ve lost control.  I don’t want to put the weight back on.  And yet I feel guilty for even caring about something as vain and superficial as my figure while someone else is mourning her child.  But getting fat again isn’t going to bring him back.  How do you manage your worst emotions?

Advertisements

5 responses to “Emotional backslide

  1. First of all, hugs. I could have written this post about control and needing everything to be in place or else I turn to food to cope. I have OCD and when that flares up the worst, I can’t even bring myself to eat. I just curl up in the fetal position on the floor and cry. I cannot cope with things being out of order- physically and emotionally. I don’t know how to help you since I’m barely even helping myself but I will be keeping an eye on the other responses. I wish you the peace that would soothe these wounds for you.

  2. *hugs*

    I understand completely.

    I was at a lecture recently in which the speaker (a well known physician) said that, for whatever reason, humans sabotage themselves when under stress. So, in your case and mine, we do not eat the way we should when we’re anxious.

    I can only suggest that you take things one step at a time. Get out of bed — that’s step 1. Eat a healthy breakfast — step 2. Put the breakfast dishes in the dishwasher — step 3. And so on. You’ll recover your equilibrium whenever the time is right.

  3. HUGS…bottom line is you recognize what you are doing and you are making the necessary changes you need to get back on track. It is ok.

    So sorry about the friend of a friend, it is quite sad!

  4. I think so much of how we eat is tied into how we are doing mentally and emotionally. I could have written a lot of what you said. I’m sorry you are having a rough time these days. Please keep us posted on how you’re doing.

  5. I visit everyday some sites and blogs to read content, except
    this blog presents quality based writing.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s