Man oh man. I’m frustrated. I’m frustrated with numbers, and doctors, and medicine, and exercise, and myself. I’m frustrated that I’m working so hard, and not seeing results. Do you know we’re in the seventh week of fluffbusters? We are. And while I won last week with a loss of three pounds, it’s because I fluctuate between the same 10 pounds. So I’m not really any further down than I was 7 weeks ago. That’s frustrating.
I’ve had lots of doctor’s appointments lately. The good news is that my endocronologist thinks he may finally have my thyroid stuff under control. The bad thing is, that while the thyroid will damage your metaboloism and such, fixing it won’t magically make you lose all the pounds that it caused.
Then I had the fabulous well woman exam with my OB/GYN. It pretty much went like this “You’re too young to have all these problems. blah-de-dah. Let’s get Ultrasounds! and Blood Work! and CT Scans! Hoorah!” And now I go back next week to see if he has an actual answer or if it’s another one of the “well, it looks normal here, but that doesn’t make any sense?”
Because, you see, my fluffy friends, I specialize in being a medical malady. I like to get weird problems that nobody knows the answer to and then when they finally determine the problem, they like to say things like “Huh. That’s odd. You’re too young to be having these problems.!” And they say it like that ! with the exc!amation point that’s all “This is so very strange and so very cool and I haven’t ever seen this in a 26 year old woman and I! am! going! to! be! in! the! history! books!!!!”
But I’m getting besides myself. Because the other thing that my Endo AND my OB/GYN casually mentioned was a LapBand. Did you hear me? A LAPBAND.
And on the one hand, wow, that would be kinda nice. And that is kinda wonderful that they know that I’m trying and trying and not seeing results. But it’s kinda frustrating. Because it’s like they’re both telling me I CAN’T do it on my own. And in my eyes, it’s like they saying, you might as well give up because honey, without medical intervention, that ass is going NOWHERE.
The best part suckiest thing about this is that my insurance doesn’t cover things like that. Well, not without good cause. Which means if that’s the route I choose to take, then I have to play insurance games. And I hate playing insurance games.
I also hate that if they don’t decide I need it, and they aren’t going to pay for it, it means I give up. Because I feel like giving up. As much as I hate being overweight, I don’t have it in me. I don’t have the strength to diet and exercise so that I can ?maybe? lose a pound.
I don’t have it in me, to count calories, and cut carbs, and wake up at 5:00. For NOTHING.
I feel like I’m the fattest fit person ever. I can probably run longer than you can. I can bench press more than you. Inside, I’m an athlete. It’s just hiding behind my fluffiness.
Anyways. Do any of you have experience with the whole LapBand/insurance thing? Because if I gotta start playing games, I want to talk strategy.