Letters to myself

By Jen

~ ~ ~

Dear 12-year-old Jen,

99 pounds is NOT fat. Don’t judge your pre-teen appearance on the over-processed women you see in the Miss America pageant.

Love, Future Jen

~ ~ ~

Dear College Jen,

107 pounds is not fat. That said, 107 pounds is not necessarily fit either. Eat more fruits and vegetables and lay off the Ben & Jerry’s or else you’ll regret it down the road.

Also? The ’80s are almost over. Stop perming your hair. Now.

Love, Future Jen

~ ~ ~

Dear 26-year-old Jen,

Girlfriend, you need to lay off the junk food NOW. You’ve gained 20 pounds since you got married and it’s only going to get worse. Don’t believe me? Here’s a photo of what you’re going to look like in 13 years.

[pause]

Stop weeping and get off your fat butt now. Exercise more and discover salads.

Love, Future Jen

~ ~ ~

Dear New-Mother-Jen,

Okay, this is it. The baby you’ve been wanting. And even though you’re taking her for walks in her baby jogger almost every day, you’re going to have to do more if you want to be a healthy, fit, SKINNY mother.

Actually, you’re going to have to do less. As in, snack less. You think you’re overweight now? You’re going to weigh 40 pounds more in nine years unless you get a grip on your eating habits now.

Love, Future Jen

~ ~ ~

Dear 35-year-old Jen,

Okay, so you accidentally lost 15 pounds without trying. Good job. Now, don’t rest on your dimpled rear. Keep up the good work. Join Weight Watchers NOW or else you’re going to regain the weight and then some. Seriously. Do or die.

Love, Future Jen

~ ~ ~

Sigh…

Too bad I can’t go back in time.

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12 responses to “Letters to myself

  1. love it ! don’t we all wish we could go back in time.

  2. I could have written these letters!

  3. Just had a conversation like this with a friend of mine. We both basically said how if we could go back in time we’d a) make eating healthy/ exercising more of a priority since the weight is so much easier to put on than take off, and b) not be so critical of our bodies since we weren’t nearly as out of shape then as we thought we were – or compared with now.

  4. i remember being 13 (the skinniest I’ve ever been) and thinking i was fat.

    ugh. 20/20 hindsight.

  5. I hear you! I’d give almost anything for the teenaged body that I so loathed….

  6. I second that Amen!

  7. Oh for the wisdom of hindsight…

  8. Yeah, I thought I was a moose when I was 5′ 7″ and weighed 135 pounds.

    Which, OK, isn’t slender or anything pie in the sky like that. But I so wish I weighed that now.

  9. LOVE this!!

    I thought I was fat 2 years ago when I weighed 140 at 5’7″. Now that I’m….170, not so much. And I can write 170 as I have lost 8 pounds on this stupid gall bladder diet.

    Oh if only we could go back and smack ourselves.

  10. In high school, I saw a picture of myself in a bikini in middle school and remembered all the time I spent obsessing over how I looked. I remember thinking I was crazy for thinking I was so fat at the time.
    I’d probably thing the same thing if I busted out the pictures from high school.

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