Frantic Doggy Paddle

I know we don’t know each other that well…. I know this is a weight loss blog.  I know, but right now I don’t have anywhere else to write this.

For a girl who has been trying to get pregnant for over a year, the start of her period is a hard time to discover that she is starting her period.  Especially if her PMS had included little tidbits like fatigue, nausea, and slightly sore boobs.  This is all compounded by the fact that I have been having hives again.  It’s been going on for over a month, and I’ve already seen a doctor about it.  He was WRONG, as they always are when it comes to my poor body and the way it freaks periodically.  It doesn’t help that this time the symptoms were just enough different for me to want to pin the blame on a new  box of Bounce fabric softener, meanwhile I continue to take the very medication that is causing the problem.  By now the Urticaria has climbed from my forearms, my lower stomach and the backs of my thighs to cover ALL of my limbs an torso.

I wear black every day to disguise the pinpricks of blood that soak into my pants, shirts and underclothing.  I am misery.  There is no happy place.  Taking a shower is a burning, stinging and itching hell.  Sleep is not much comfort.  Add a sweaty workout, and the normal amount of chafing that happens during a run… and I have no “happy place” left but food.

I am not giving up, and I write down every point and every bite that goes into my mouth… but I can see that I am going to go over my points this week, and I HATE that.  It doesn’t help knowing that I am going to have to do some balancing with my meds that will slow down my metabolism.  It doesn’t help that my body is now officially stressed, a state that makes losing weight virtually impossible for me.  And I grieve the loss of a baby that never even was.  And now I am officially whining.

Tell me a joke, talk about success… take my mind of of this crap while I go and find the fingernail clippers.  I gotta quit scratching!

Screw “Chicken Soup for the Soul” I need some “Dark Chocolate for the  Psyche.”

At least it hasn’t gotten as far as my face yet.

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5 responses to “Frantic Doggy Paddle

  1. Bon, it sounds like you may need to spend the next few weeks concentrating on your health, which does not necessarily mean your weight. Figure out what’s going on with the hives and sort out your meds. Continue to eat good healthy foods, but allow yourself a little chocolate (or some other indulgence) every evening. If exercise is a problem, maybe go for a walk after dinner to clear your head and burn some energy. Maybe you could also try yoga or tai chi — something good for your body and brain, but not too stressful. You’ll get through this, I know you will.

    Here’s a joke my seven-year-old told me:

    Why did the chicken cross the playground?

    To get to the other slide.

    🙂

  2. Oh hun, how miserable!

    I’m not going to tell you to cheer up, because oi! If I were going through that and someone told me to I’d kick ’em…I swear I would.

    I agree with Jennifer…focus on you. Maybe think of some non-food comforts, and then allow yourself one treat at the end of the day to give you something to pull you through?

  3. OH SUCK! Poor you! I can sympathize with the rash! I had a full-body itchy rash (apparently it was viral) that lasted a month, the year before I had Bad. Try adding 1/2 a cup or so of baking soda to your bath water. It really did help me.

    I get that food is your happy place, and I agree with Jen that you have to concentrate on your health and not weight, but I think if you let yourself slide too much it’ll have the opposite effect on your psyche. Plan some healthy yummy meals and snacks for yourself, and shop accordingly. I know that you can get through this. Big hugs.

    Oh – and yes this is a weight-loss blog, but losing weight successfully is about more than just what goes in your mouth, it’s about everything that goes on in your life and how we cope with what’s thrown at us….I’m incredibly grateful for the help and support I’ve found here, and just hope that somehow I can help someone else. 🙂

  4. That’s so sucky. I’m sorry.

    And you know. I have to applaud you for even *trying* to loose weight when trying to get pregnant. I didn’t and it took me quite a while plus a little medical intervention to finally succeed. Loosing weight is really hard to do when you’re dealing with something that’s much bigger.

  5. Thanks guys! You are right, it losing weight IS more than just what goes in my mouth!

    I am hoping that losing weight will not only HELP me get pregs, but also my increased endurance and muscle strength will help me get through the pregnancy… even if I get pregs next cycle, I will be solidly age 39 and doing the “L and D” boogie. BLEAH!

    Thanks for the reminder… this game is won or lost in the mind! I can DO this!

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