I’m in the emotional bad place. The Princess was invited to participate in a friend’s gymnastics class this morning from 11:00 – 12:00. On the way home she asked if we could have lunch in a restaurant. It was already after 12, I’ve got a bad head cold, it sounded good to me. We went into Wendy’s, I figured that I could have a small chili and side salad, and the kids could have french fries and chocolate milk, which is basically all they ask from any dining establishment. The line-up was moving exceptionally slow, and the Princess was hyper. I had to ask her numerous times to get back in line, to stand up, to pick up her coat, to listen. My arms were tired from carrying Bad, and the teenagers in front of us in line kept swearing. I asked the Princess to come to me 3 times, so that I could see if she wanted to go somewhere else, but she wasn’t listening. I grabbed her hand, and marched her out of the restaurant.
Not surprisingly, she pitched a fit and I had to endure the stares of all the other patrons who undoubtedly thought I was mean and crazy. I hate having to disappoint her, and make her cry, but I also don’t believe in rewarding bad behaviour. (Normally she’s really well behaved in public, this is only the 2nd time in 4 1/2 years I’ve had to take her out of a restaurant) She cried half the way home.
Bad fell asleep in the car and I was able to transfer him to bed so that I could sit and have lunch with the Princess. I made her oven fries and a grilled cheese and we talked about what had happened. I’m still on edge though. This is the kind of mood that would normally send me into a binge. I keep telling myself that eating will not make me feel any better, it will only add self-hatred to the plethora of emotions already coursing through me. Being at home all day with the kids, and dealing with them myself, sometimes feels like more than I can take. I’m sometimes sure that no matter what decision I make, it’s the wrong one.