Food is not the enemy.
This realization hit me pretty hard yesterday. I mean, over the past few years I’ve been known to scowl at the contents of my cupboards, make snide comments about certain foods behind their backs…yeah, pretty nasty stuff. Really though, it’s not about the food for me. It never has been.
I don’t particularly like food. It bores me. A good book beats a banana any day, and so forth. Growing up, I only ate because my parents made me, and later on, because I tended to get dizzy if I didn’t. And since I didn’t like food, when it came time for me to feed myself, I fed myself crap. Whatever was cheap, easy, and somewhat satisfying.
When I was at university, my diet consisted of the following (don’t worry, this won’t take long): Grilled Cheese sandwiches and fries, orange juice, chocolate bars, doritos, and whatever I occassionally got fed at family dinners (once or twice a month events). Seriously. That was it. If it hadn’t been for the orange juice I think I would’ve died from scurvy.
I’m not so sure I’m joking about that.
Even so, I ate little enough that I was a skinny little thing. Until I got married, that is. First, the pill helped my gain twenty pounds in a month. Lovely. Then, I started eating more because hey, my hubby did. Then I started eating less, because I had a high stress job and lunch was not a priority. Then we moved to Oregon for fours years and I became a housewife. With no kids. And I ate whatever I felt like and I ate a lot of it.
I didn’t particularly enjoy it though. Seriously, food isn’t my thing. But it was something to do to pass the time.
So now I’m cultivating a love of food. I’m taking the time to savour smell, taste, and texture. I’m experimenting in the kitchen (with varying degrees of success), and trying to find REAL food to fill the void left by the junk I tossed out of my cupboards and pantry a few months ago.
The old pattern? Not so easy to escape. I’m making progress, but it’s slow, and sometimes I slip in pretty extreme ways, like by eating five granola bars in a sitting because I was bored and they were there.
My goal is to only eat foods I truly enjoy, which are real…unprocessed foods that do me some good at the same time. I think this is attainable. It’ll take awhile, but it’s totally attainable.
So, no advice to offer this time round. No inspiring story (frankly, my weight has been creeping up again). Just some memories and some thoughts. If I keep focusing on them, I might just do this. I might just.