Food is not the enemy.

This realization hit me pretty hard yesterday.  I mean, over the past few years I’ve been known to scowl at the contents of my cupboards, make snide comments about certain foods behind their backs…yeah, pretty nasty stuff.  Really though, it’s not about the food for me.  It never has been.

 I don’t particularly like food.  It bores me.  A good book beats a banana any day, and so forth.  Growing up, I only ate because my parents made me, and later on, because I tended to get dizzy if I didn’t.  And since I didn’t like food, when it came time for me to feed myself, I fed myself crap.  Whatever was cheap, easy, and somewhat satisfying.

 When I was at university, my diet consisted of the following (don’t worry, this won’t take long): Grilled Cheese sandwiches and fries, orange juice, chocolate bars, doritos, and whatever I occassionally got fed at family dinners (once or twice a month events).  Seriously.  That was it.  If it hadn’t been for the orange juice I think I would’ve died from scurvy.

I’m not so sure I’m joking about that.

Even so, I ate little enough that I was a skinny little thing.  Until I got married, that is.  First, the pill helped my gain twenty pounds in a month.  Lovely.  Then, I started eating more because hey, my hubby did.  Then I started eating less, because I had a high stress job and lunch was not a priority.  Then we moved to Oregon for fours years and I became a housewife.  With no kids.  And I ate whatever I felt like and I ate a lot of it.

I didn’t particularly enjoy it though.  Seriously, food isn’t my thing.  But it was something to do to pass the time.

So now I’m cultivating a love of food.  I’m taking the time to savour smell, taste, and texture.  I’m experimenting in the kitchen (with varying degrees of success), and trying to find REAL food to fill the void left by the junk I tossed out of my cupboards and pantry a few months ago.

 The old pattern?  Not so easy to escape.  I’m making progress, but it’s slow, and sometimes I slip in pretty extreme ways, like by eating five granola bars in a sitting because I was bored and they were there.

My goal is to only eat foods I truly enjoy, which are real…unprocessed foods that do me some good at the same time.  I think this is attainable.  It’ll take awhile, but it’s totally attainable.

So, no advice to offer this time round.  No inspiring story (frankly, my weight has been creeping up again).  Just some memories and some thoughts.  If I keep focusing on them, I might just do this.  I might just.

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6 responses to “

  1. This is big for me. I grew up watching my mother finish off pretty much all leftovers so she did not have to waste them, and I started down that pathway as well. Only it meant that I was eating food that I didn’t really want, so I ate even more to try and fill up that unsatisfied feeling. Bleah! No more!

    Also, in trying to think like an athlete, I am way less likely to eat crap. I have to properly fuel my body, don’t I? An athlete eats whole grains and lean meats, they eat all their veggies and they will have an apple for snack. So far it seems to be helping.

  2. I am a big believer in eating only real foods and not eating processed crapola. I prefer real ingredients over artificial ones any day and definitely good foods over mediocre ones.

  3. What an interesting realization.
    I’ve been trying to move from thinking of food as a source of all pleasure in my life ( not really, but you know…) to just fuel.
    Maybe a combo of yours and mine would be better for me.

  4. Your story and mine are pretty much the same. I know exactly what you mean. I need to work on not eating when I’m bored and stressed. I tend to stick things in my mouth without realizing I’m doing it.

    I love your goal of eating more real food. Do chocolate covered strawberries count?

  5. My school semester just started again and the crazy pace is getting to me. Second day, I decided to eat the rest of the hershey kisses I had in my apartment to “feed” my crazy anxiety and to just get rid of them so as to not have them as a continuing temptation.

    Eating real food has been good for me in so many ways. Right now it’s trying to convince my brain that an apple and a walk is better relief and release than two dozen hot chocolate hershey kisses.

  6. I have an unhealthy love (read obession) for food and I’m finding the most difficult part of my journey is trying to find good things to eat that satisfy that obsession. I eat not because I’m hungry but because I love food. It is like changing my entire brain in order to lose the weight.

    It’s interesting to see how others relate (or don’t) to food.

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