Growing Pains

I am in the business of change right now.  I am changing my patterns, my food, my portions, my level of activity; I am changing my head.  While there are some positive benefits to what I am doing, the change itself?  Sucks.  It hurts, both literally and figuratively.  I am using muscle groups that have not seen activity since the Reagan administration, and I am having to engage in Overt Sustained Self-Centeredness.

In some ways it’s the OSSC that hurts the worst.  It’s certainly the larger obstacle to Fighting the Fluffy over here in Chaosville.  Very likely the largest obstacle, even bigger than my wide behind.

I am moving from unconscious eat-what-is-handy-and-tastes-good to very conscious point/calorie/fiber/fat journal keeping.  From sedentary lumpishness, to finding ways to keep myself moving, setting goals and achieving them.  The sheer effort it takes to pay attention to theses things is sucking down my personal resources.  I am at a heightened state of emotionality, touchy about any perceived sabotage, ferocious about guarding my precious workout time in the morning.  I am not proud of this.

Please, is only growing shrinking pains… this will pass and I will be better again.  Only smaller.  And stronger.


8 responses to “Growing Pains

  1. Bon, you’re doing what you need to do in order to be healthy. Hang in there because it’s worth it!

  2. That was so beautiful….you expressed what I’m feeling so wonderfully.

  3. Tell me about it. Just remember, nothing tastes as good as being skinny feels… supposedly. LOL.

  4. Yeah… I wouldn’t know.

  5. You are FIERCE!!! You are doing great and I love coming along for the journey.

  6. You are so smart. I get exactly what you mean, but don’t know that I would have been able to explain it the clear way that you did.

    Yea you is what I say!

  7. Making the changes is so difficult! Especially when I know that the changes will need to be permanent in order to keep off any weight I might loose.
    I think it is so easy to get caught up in “I’m the mom and I’m so busy taking care of everyone else, that I don’t have time to take care of myself” Good for you to make the time for what you know is best for your health!
    I am SO impressed with all you have accomplished so far! Way to go!!!!

  8. It is so hard to focus on ourselves! And when we do, it is even harder to deny ourselves the quick comforts we have come to rely on.

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