I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching this last week. I was doing really good and so excited to be here, then, I don’t know. I just stopped. And I feel like I’m sabotaging myself. It’s really awkward to sit down to lunch and second guess every bite. On the one hand, I honestly feel like I am doing all I can food-wise. I just need to get in that precious exercise.

I have been trying for 2 weeks now to get in a full workout. I can’t go in the morning, because (a) I’m a pansy and it’s cold and (b) my husband doesn’t want me to go alone anyways. 

Then I try to do something in the daytime. But my kids think it’s really fun to jump on me. Don’t get me wrong, I love that they are trying to work out with me. It’s just that their “exercise” and my “exercise” are completely different. They prefer to (a) jump on my back (b) crawl in, around, or through my legs (c) sit on my feet and (d) drive me bonkers.

So then I figure, I’ll wait til they go to sleep. Then I’ll get in some cardio. But I’m not alone… My husband will watch me and LOOK.  I’m not trying to be self conscious but I totally, 100%, unequivocally AM.

I can’t exercise in front of him. He has this look!  And then, he’ll like, wrinkle up his nose and give me a half smile and it plain ole makes me nervous. It’s like he’s judging me. I hate it. And then he’ll say something sassy and I get mad and then he apologizes but not really and then I get madder and on and on and ON… (sidenote. Am I the only one that when I’m mad, he can still make me laugh, and then it makes me even more mad? Anyone?)

So I can’t exercise in front of him, for the sake of my marriage.

When am I supposed to fit it in? And please for the love of Pete, if you offer me sound advice like “Just wake up an hour earlier!” I will die. I will not wake up any earlier than I already do. I still have a baby that gets up to eat TWICE and I flat out refuse to get out of bed before 6 am.

Pretty much, just lie to me and tell me I’m not really THAT fat. Could you do that? and keep the sass to yourself.


14 responses to “Sabotage

  1. I realize that right now at this very instant I could be working out… But then I’ll be too awake to sleep. See? Self-sabotage at it’s finest, I tell you what!

  2. Caroline,
    I have SO been there. Two years ago when we got our treadmill, I used to get up before my kids were awake and exercise. After 7 weeks, I had only lost 6lbs, and was very discouraged, so I stopped using it (until last week)
    I am now too darn old and onery to get up that early. I need to get my sleep to be the pleasant ray of sunshine that I am every morning. (The sound you are hearing is that of my children gagging)
    I do however, have a very mellow toddler who will sit and watch a video, and I can go walk on the treadmill for a while. Until we got to this point, I was just not able to exercise.
    Maybe your husband should find a hobby.
    Besides, you aren’t really THAT fat.

  3. In my quest to be a truly bad mother I have, on occasion, used the TV as a babysitter. Since you probably need the tv, perhaps you could play their favorite dvd on the computer while you exercise.

  4. P.S. I’ve never met you, but you don’t sound like you even need to exercise. What are you worried about? You’re sooo not that fluffy!

  5. You aren’t even that fat!

    It sounds to me like you’re already doing a lot. Maybe it would work out better for you right now to fit in an extra 10 minutes of exercise here and there rather than a full-blown workout.

    And, as long as it’s on the table — I think you *are* being sabotaged, even if not on purpose. You need support, not wrinkled up noses! I second the suggestion that your husband get a hobby. 🙂

  6. I agree with Elizabeth. What if you try bursts of exercise throughout the day? Jumping rope, stomach crunches, push ups, etc.

    Do you have a double stroller and could you go for a quick walk around the neighborhood? If it’s too cold or snowy, a spin through the mall?

    Also, Walmart sells mini trampolines for about $20 and they’re great for burning off energy.

  7. I am a total mall addict and I love that I can combine window shopping and a little excercise. I have three little ones and they alternate which of the two oldest are in the double-stroller and which runs along beside (I say run because I try to walk briskly).
    I totally agree with you not needing to wake up any earlier. And, if your baby is so little that he/she is still waking up twice I’d say you don’t really need to be worrying about loosing weight at this point. At least, that’s what I tell myself when I’m at that point. I just try not to gain.
    Instead of thinking of yourself as needing to loose weight – maybe you could just focus on being more “healthy” – ya know? With more activity in general and more healthy food (and for me, less crappy food).

  8. First off? You are not really that fat…. and second? OHHHH! The WATCHING husband! I have been there and I have nothing but ugly things to say in regards to that. My first husband was an abusive SOB and HE used to do that to me. I am not comparing them (your DH and my wretched Ex), not exactly. But I do have a post on the topic of spousal sabotage… lets just hint around that perhaps YOU are not the only one sabotaging you.

    That said… can you find a friend to go with you? The key for ME to indoor exercising? IS other kids to distract MY kids…. again, exercising with a friend.

    That’s all I have, I SO feel your frustration!

  9. You are totally skinny. Make your husband GO AWAY. Seriously, I ban my husband from the room. Lately I’ve been wanting to dance, dance, dance as my exercise – not normal dancing, but crazy, feel the beat, whackadoo dancing that burns tons of calories and NO WAY am I doing that in front of my husband at my current size. So he is banned from the room. He came in once and I SCREAMED at him to get out. I’ve never seen him look so frightened.

  10. I agree with banning your husband from the room. My fiance used to do the EXACT same thing, until finally I sat him down and said look, getting in shape really means a lot to me, and it makes me self-conscious when you watch me. Could you please do something else?

    So now he’s either out of the room or plays on his computer while I’m in there (he’s a graphic designer – Photoshop will keep him entertained for hours).

  11. Our husbands must all take the same training course or something. I’d pay him off with all the goodies you don’t want to be eating anyway. Make him go have a soak in the tub and eat cookies while you workout or something.

  12. I totally agree that the family can’t observe the exercise. I do cardio at the gym but sometimes try to do yoga at home. My two oldest boys love to walk in and say disdainfully, things like, “If anyone at school saw you doing that I would DIE” or “Oh my gosh what are you DOING?”

  13. My hubby sabatoges in a different way but I do get what you are saying.

    Getting the exercise in has been tough for me lately but I”m trying to get creative and do little bursts through the day. Let’s give that a try together and see how it goes.

  14. I posted about this today…. last night I dumped yhe baby in Hubs arms the minute he came in from work and went for a run. My baby still gets up at least twice too…I feel your pain. And I get the husband thing too…mine thinks I’m funny when I’m mad….it’s actually a miracle he’s lived so long!

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