The Perfect Diet

I posted this a long time ago on my blog, but it’s so funny and so appropriate and I thought you all could use a laugh!

I was buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my
Golden Retriever at Wal-Mart and was about to check
out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog?
On impulse, I told her that no, I didn’t have a dog,
and that I was starting the Purina Diet again.
Although I probably shouldn’t, because I’d ended up in
the hospital last time, but that I’d lost 50 pounds
before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes
coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and
that the way it works is to load your pants pockets
with Purina nuggets And simply eat one or two every
time you feel hungry and that the food is
nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

(I have to mention here that practically everyone in
the line was by now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care
because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no; I
stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter’s butt and
a car hit us both.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart
attack, he was laughing so hard.


10 responses to “The Perfect Diet

  1. Hah! Thanks for the laugh. Hysterical.

  2. Oh, come on. This is one of those “this is what I wish I has said, but I didn’t think of it until 30 minutes later” things. Right? Right? If not, then YOU ARE AWESOME and I bow to your brilliance. 🙂

  3. Oh I wish I had the nerve to tell a story like that. When I grow up I want to be Caroline!

  4. Oh I needed that today! You’re brilliant!

  5. LOL!
    My brother ate dog biscuits one time. The box said they were different flavors, so he wanted to see if they really were.
    My little 2 yo cousin used to come to our house and eat our dog food. We asked her how it tasted, and she barked.
    Thanks for the funny!

  6. I bow to the Goddess Caroline.

  7. That is exactly the laugh I needed today. Too funny!!!

  8. Makes me wish I had a dog to buy dogfood for… just in hopes that someday a person would ask ME that question!

  9. LOL That is just messed up.

  10. A ha ha ha ha ha aha ha ha ha

    you crack me up

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