Look at me

I looked in the mirror today, and for the first time since my son was born 15 months ago, I liked the person I saw there.  She’s not perfect, but I saw something of the person I am on the inside reflected on the outside.  Wanna see? 

Your Happy Weight

I have been MIA for a while due to a few crazy and stressful weeks. Weeks that led to amazing amounts of stress eating, but hopefully I can jump right back on the dieting wagon.

I am so close to my goal weight, but still so far away. As I get closer I have started to wonder if the number I picked out of thin air is the right number for me.

A friend of mine wrote a blog post about your “happpy weight“, and linked to this calculator to help find your happy weight. I added up mine, and found that the number I chose is only one number less than my happy weight.

So now that I know were I want to be, I’m closer than I thought. Only 8 more pounds to go!

What is your happy weight, and is it what you thought it would be?

Two lessons

By Jen

I learned a couple of good lessons this weekend.

I visited my family, including my terminally ill father.  I was stressed and anxious about a lot of things.  Consequently, I let my guard down.  I wasn’t as vigilant about what I ate and how much water I consumed (not enough).  And then after dinner, I ate a dessert that I would not normally have even looked at.  It was a slice of cheesecake, and not the good kind, but that wretched too-sweet mass-produced crap that one finds in grocery stores.  I ate an over-sized slice and felt ill immediately afterward.

I’m not actually beating myself up over this.  I’ve been home for two days and have gotten completely back on track.  I’m eating properly, drinking lots of water, and exercising daily.  I am merely reflecting on the lessons I’ve learned.
The first lesson is that I need to be mindful at all times, even during stressful periods, as much as is possible.  My father is going to die — most likely this year and possibly within the next few months — and the end is going to be very hard.  I’m going to have to pay attention and really think about what goes in my mouth.  I need to remember not to eat mindlessly.  I’m not actually worried about stress eating — I think I’ve finally broken that habit — but I will very likely forget that I don’t want to eat some of the crappy food that will be available to me and that I’ll feel unwell afterward, which is that last thing I’m going to need during what will be a very stressful time in my life.

The second lesson is about forgiveness.  If I do fall off track during those stressful days in my life, it’s not the end of the world.  I’m not going to berate myself or feel down about food.  I’m just going to pick myself up, dust the cookie crumbs off myself, and start all over again.  I’ll put on my sneakers and go for a walk.  Everything will ultimately be okay.

Wow!

Just for kicks, I weighed myself today. 

Read more here.

ETA: Fixed the link. Thanks ya’ll!

What I Did Over President’s Day Weekend

Did I toe the Weight Watchers line?  Ahem.  No.

I held out for all of one day, and then I caved completely and ate the purest crap ever eaten by a human being, in too large of portions.  Sadly, by the second day I was positive I was pregnant because I was walking about feeling nauseated, and periodically exhausted all day.  Yup, welcome to the world of potato chips, cookies, fast food and crap-chocolate.  Three days of stupidity.

…aaaaaaand I’m back!

It was not all idiocy on my part, and when I was not having my mini-crashes I was having a darn good time.  Out on the sand dunes at Snow Canyon, the walk from the parking lot out to where we were playing was a little over a quarter mile and I felt like I was just swinging over the deep sandy track as I went back and forth to use the bathroom near the lot, it was effortless.  Three times in two hours; another reason I mistakenly thought that I was PG.  I was the one to go chasing after errant kids, I was the one to hit the pool (lovely heated pool) every time with the kiddos and play the whole time, I was the one who got up the two weekday mornings (I don’t workout/exercise on the Sabbath) to hit the road for four to five mile runs.  And about the running, I don’t know how much closer to sea level St. George, UT is from the Valley where I live… but it’s got to be fairly significant.  I had SO MUCH AIR!  Wheeeee!

I had the shocking experience on the last day of being flirted at (wouldn’t I have to be cognizant of what was going on for it to have been with?)… nay, hit on by some random guy at the local convenience store.  I am so used to being the invisible, fat housefrau herding three little kids in stores, that it took quite a bit of effort on his part for me to even realize what was going on.   Funny, perhaps I will have to be more on my guard once again.

Nah…. how often am I sans kids?

It was spring time there.  I was wearing a pair of Dadguy’s shorts and flip flops half the time.  I am sad to be back home, with the lousy air quality, the grey skies, the cold and the snow.  Bleah.   But I am glad to be back to my routine, my kitchen, and my usual life.

Y’all were SO right!

I did as you said, I went out on Tuesday and bought myself a pair of new jeans.  Nothing fancy, nothing expensive, just a basic, straight-legged pair in dark denim.  I wore them out today, and the first person I saw (that I know, I mean) immediately said “You’ve lost a ton of weight!  Like, overnight!  You look great, how’d you do it?” That felt pretty good.  I felt pretty good.  And it was also great having 5 pairs of pants in the dressing-room and they all fit.  I got to choose the pair that I liked best and was the most flattering – I didn’t have to just pray that the store would have something that I’d be able to do up!

Snacks

In the past few months, as I have been learning new food habits and changing the way I eat, one of the areas that has faced a lot of scrutiny is snacks.  I am a snacker, which is a hard habit to break.  Afternoons are the time when I most want to snack.  For years, I usually skipped lunch and then grazed the rest of the day, so this is partly an ingrained habit.  Nowadays, I always eat a good lunch, but I still get hungry right around the time my children get home from school, and a small snack is a necessity as I run the gauntlet of soccer practice, art lessons, play dates, and homework.

Listed below are some of my snacking options; foods that are healthy and yummy and will keep me from gnawing on my own arm as the dinner hour approaches:

• popcorn — This comes in two forms: 1) Newman’s Own Organics microwave popcorn (the non-buttery kind) and 2) pre-popped organic popcorn from Whole Foods with a hint of salt.
• apples or other fruits– I sometimes pair this with a small piece of cheese.
• almonds — roasted and unsalted, usually about 10-12.
• wild rice cakes — I found some at Whole Foods that are just divine.
• edamame (a.k.a. soybeans) — I buy the frozen shelled ones and cook them in the microwave with a smidgen of salt and a sliver of butter.
• multigrain crackers and a small piece of cheese
• chocolate — This is a desperation move.  If I’m really having one of THOSE days, I’ll allow myself a small square of dark chocolate, which usually satisfies the craving.

What about everyone else?  What do you snack on?

Lemme take a peek at your drawers…..

…..and I want to know what you’ve got lurking at the back of your closet, too.  It’s getting to the point that I don’t have anything to wear.  All of my pants are droopy in the butt, and baggy in the crotch, and I can pull them off without undoing them.  It’s not a pretty sight.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m thrilled with the irrefutable evidence that my new eating habits are having a positive effect on the shape of my body, but it’s getting a bit disspiriting, not having anything to put on in the morning.

I have some jeans in the next size down, but for some reason I didn’t keep anything in the size I am now.  I must have listened to some “throw out anything you haven’t worn in a year” or “don’t buy or keep clothes to wear when you lose weight” type advice.  Should I just tough it out while I lose the next 10 pounds, or should I go and get a cheap pair of jeans and some yoga pants that fit me now?  I know I’ll have more fun shopping for clothes once I’ve hit my goal, but self-image and self confidence have a lot to do with my success, and clothes  do play into that for me.  What are you guys wearing?

Post Valentine’s check in

By Jen

How did everyone do yesterday?   Did you indulge a little, a lot, or not at all?

I had a rough day (difficulties with a relative), but did not stress-eat, as I would have just a few months ago.  Instead, I went for a second walk in the afternoon — to pick up my children from school — and that really helped my mood.  My husband gave me a yummy chocolate-y treat and I did eat more than I might have on other days, but not as much as I would have just a few months ago.  And I stayed out of the Girl Scout cookies, which were delivered earlier this week.  So I’m fine with how I did.

This weekend, I’m planning to go on two long walks.  My husband and I are going to dinner and a show on Saturday, so I plan to go for a longer walk on Saturday morning in anticipation of all that Italian food that night.

How’s everyone else doing?

The Bad Place

I’m in the emotional bad place.  The Princess was invited to participate in a friend’s gymnastics class this morning from 11:00 – 12:00.  On the way home she asked if we could have lunch in a restaurant.  It was already after 12, I’ve got a bad head cold, it sounded good to me.  We went into Wendy’s, I figured that I could have a small chili and side salad, and the kids could have french fries and chocolate milk, which is basically all they ask from any dining establishment.  The line-up was moving exceptionally slow, and the Princess was hyper.  I had to ask her numerous times to get back in line, to stand up, to pick up her coat, to listen.  My arms were tired from carrying Bad, and the teenagers in front of us in line kept swearing.  I asked the Princess to come to me 3 times, so that I could see if she wanted to go somewhere else, but she wasn’t listening.  I grabbed her hand, and marched her out of the restaurant.

 Not surprisingly, she pitched a fit and I had to endure the stares of all the other patrons who undoubtedly thought I was mean and crazy.  I hate having to disappoint her, and make her cry, but I also don’t believe in rewarding bad behaviour.  (Normally she’s really well behaved in public, this is only the 2nd time in 4 1/2 years I’ve had to take her out of a restaurant)  She cried half the way home. 

Bad fell asleep in the car and I was able to transfer him to bed so that I could sit and have lunch with the Princess.  I made her oven fries and a grilled cheese and we talked about what had happened.  I’m still on edge though.  This is the kind of mood that would normally send me into a binge.  I keep telling myself that eating will not make me feel any better, it will only add self-hatred to the plethora of emotions already coursing through me.  Being at home all day with the kids, and dealing with them myself, sometimes feels like more than I can take.  I’m sometimes sure that no matter what decision I make, it’s the wrong one.